This post has been lying in my drafts folder for a few months. I read it this yesterday morning and smiled as I pondered over our short action packed journey.

The last year has been the most challenging and rewarding for me. Ever (lets leave out the nine months earlier to that, foot rubs, cravings…). We moved to a new city, had a baby and started a new business venture. Sleep? whats that? Don’t get me started on the sleep issue. Actually the lack thereof.
If you didn’t know, I’m a new Dad. Make that, proud new Dad. Every second tweet is about it, most pictures on my iPhone are at the ready to be swiped out, I mention it in passing conversation to total strangers and have been qualified by being peed on. Yeah, I’m a certified doting Dad. And as you know or might not, little boys don’t come with a little “How To Be A Dad For Dummies” hand book. So after a year and a few rings under my eyes  I’ve learnt some interesting lessons from my little boy. Seems he’s already teaching his old man a thing or two. I’m sure he gets that from his Mom.

Becoming a Dad has shown me how selfish I am.

Having a little person that depends on you for absolutely everything really puts into perspective the amount of energy I put into making myself feel comfortable. It’s always been about me, my needs, my wants.  Its been stretching a time, especially at three in the morning. This experience has reminded my once again that I’m not the center of the universe, That a little less sleep is not going to kill me and that you will never truly be 100% ready for the enormous change in your life. So as I help to raise this little boy, I’m on my own journey ironing out my own character flaws.

Success redefined

I’m learning to redefine my successes and what I perceive as successful. At the risk of sounding clichéd, landing the new client, scoring a pair of loafers on sale or checking out the latest German engineered sport car all seem to fade in comparison to walking into a room and hearing the gurgled laughter of  my Son or watching his face light up when you play peek-a-boo. Having said that I  have more drive now than I think I ever did, its just the little guy has helped me see what the important stuff.

Work on, not work in

I want to work hard on my life so I can provide for the little guy but I don’t want to be consumed by working in my life so that I miss out on the mile stones. This is a hard-line to follow. As parents its very easy to blur the line between wanting to provide for you family but getting caught in a trap that sees you never enjoying the fruit of your labour. Yeah the promotion you’ve been working towards is great, but at what cost? Hitting the gym and bike is beneficial without a doubt but spending all your spare time doing that may be doing more harm than good. I’m trying to be constantly mindful regarding decisions I make that impact this.

Writing history

I never had the opportunity to get to know my dad.

Instead of looking back at the past with a broken heart and unanswered question, I’ve decided to write our own history. Becoming a Daddy has filled me with a renewed passion to celebrate victories, learn from mistakes and cherish the here and now. It’s about making memories. Its an important lesson that I needed to learn. I never want to come across like the guys that has all this sorted out, er… I’m not! As a matter of fact, I’d be the first to say I’m far from it. So this post has to have some sort of application other than some guy sitting at his computer bearing his soul and confronting his demons, right? *insert dramatic music here*

If there’s anything you take from this post let me this. Life lesson are oft learnt from surprising sources. If you’re learning you’re growing.  Do yourself a favour.

Have you ever heard people say “do you remember the good ‘ol days?” and most times a complaint precedes that statement, often interjected with a sigh that carries the weight of the world. Some people live in the past holding to the victories that have been won. They will often reminisce about how great things used to be. It’s important to celebrate the victories of the past, it helps to build courage to pioneer into the future. But as long as we  live in the past, comfortably celebrating past victories we will never possess the future.

Your past is important but it’s not nearly as important to your present as the way you see your future – Tony Campolo

We need to constantly be looking to the future, preparing for the future and taking the future.

Looking

We need to be constantly looking to the future. Always try and see the bigger picture.  This may mean staying relevant in your industry. Are you keeping abreast of product trends, market conditions etc. In your personal capacity, do you have a short, medium and long-term life plan? Are you dreaming of the future?

Preparing

What are you doing now that is helping to prepare you for the future? It will take hard work and discipline. The challenge is that the results are often not for the now.  This may mean moving to larger premises, trimming your product offering, equipping yourself with the necessary training and studies or maybe breaking some relationships that are holding you back. If you’re prepared for the future there’s a better chance that you can capitalise on opportunities that might present themselves.

Taking the Future

So you’ve looked and prepared, the last step is to take it!  The hard spade work is done, this is what you have waited for. Step up to the plate and take it.  The best part of the future is that it is not dependant on the past.

What are my weaknesses?

I’ve asked this question on numerous occasions to get a very fake, often untrue response. My favorite has to be “my weakness is I have too many strengths”. A great leader knows his/her weaknesses implicitly. Don’t dwell on your weaknesses but knowing where you are weak allows you to shift focus to your strengths. Your weaknesses don’t need to translate in your failures. Having a sober view of your weaknesses are critical in dealing and overcoming those weaknesses.

What are my strengths?

We can often be our own worse critic. Know what you are good at and sell that!  When you have a clear understanding of your strengths you can use that as a base to launch into the future. Its alway a great idea when planning for the future to start with your strengths. Some may disagree with this but for me starting on a positive step helps me to build confidence.

The Future will happen regardless if I’m a part of it

This is obviously a statement and not a question. But an imperative statement none the less. Make no mistake my friend the future is happening right now and ultimately it is up to you whether you want to be a participant or a spectator on the sidelines. It’s as simple as that. You need to make a deliberate decision to be a part of the future. For me, this has meant I never want to say to myself “if only I tried that”. For you it could be something along the lines of, “today is the day…” or “that was my last…”

Yesterday was great but I’m looking to the future, it excites me that I don’t know whats going to happen. There may be tears and I’m sure there’ll be laughs. Do yourself a favour, celebrate the past but look to the future.

Last week I had the surprising pleasure of being on the receiving end of some amazing customer service. Surprising for two reasons, the first being that customer service  is an absolute foreign concept to most businesses today, even though they might Line up their staff in military fashion all decked out in their orange uniforms for all patrons to see and have them run around the place like they’re high on MDMA with them occasional blurting out in a yuppie accent, “hows about a round of flaming Lamborghini’s before your starters there, hey boet?” Ok, that was a rant about a particular restaurant but I’m over that, says my therapist.

And the second being, we’ve become so accustomed to receiving second-rate service these days where we’re made to feel like the business that we’re paying our hard-earned money to is actually doing me a favor by serving or selling to us. Thats if you can actually call the drivel they dish out service. That any inkling of good service almost knocks the wind out of us.

The following is based on an except of the correspondence I sent to the business in response to the pleasant experience I had with dealing with them. After some thought I realised there were three specific points regarding the manner in which the company dealt with my problem. The second thought I had was that the experience would make a great post (how life has changed with all this blogging business). I also believe in the adage “Honour should be given where honour is due.”

They Heard me out

This is the number one area in my opinion that most businesses get it terribly wrong. Take a minute and just listen, don’t interrupt, just listen. Don’t defend, just listen. Most of the time for me and I suspect for most people, We just want to be heard out, I just want to get it off my chest. In my recent experience, I had a complaint and after the person listened to what I had to say, she acknowledged that I felt that I was wronged. I can honestly say that if after that point absolutely nothing was done to remedy the situation, I would have been happy.

They kept me informed and updated

After listening to my reasons and acknowledging that there were steps been taken to remedy the situation. I was kept informed. All in all from the time I first corresponded with said company till the day the situation was corrected which was around two weeks I had received one telephone call and six emails. I was in no hurry to receive the replacement product that was offered to me but I was informed diligently even when there was a delay due to a stock shortage. I thought to myself, “wow, this business actually gives a hoot about whether I’m happy or not. I felt special.  Imagine that? A business that makes its customers feels special.

They delivered beyond expectations

So after receiving an email to inform me that a replacement product was on it’s  way to me, It arrived the very next day by hand to hand courier. I opened the bag to expecting a replacement to the product that was damaged. To my jaw dropping surprise inside was a sealed brand new set of items and not just the single defect product. I was floored! The business didn’t have to do that, they decided to go beyond what I was expecting.

You want to create loyalty regarding your brand, product or service? Do yourself a favor, Listen, update, deliver

The shame she felt was a stain that she could never get out. It was a reality that often reared its ghastly head. Her head laying on the pillow with just the hum of the refrigerator and the occasional muted sound of sirens in the back ground. The air reeked with stale cigarette smoke mixed with cheap perfume that she used to hold onto any bit of femininity and grace that was all but gone.

She did not cry much these days, her guard didn’t allow her that remorse. She had made peace with the grim fact that this was her life now, the hand that she had been dealt. She looked at the clock on the side table through the corner of her eyes. The dark rings around her once captivating eyes were noticable from meters away even though she tried to hide them behind layers of makeup. The glow of the analog numbers on the clock flashed again reminding her that she needed to get out of bed. She didn’t want to.

She stumbled out of bed rubbing her weathered hands on her face smudging the eyeliner from last night. She noticed something through the window. Drawing the tatty curtain aside, she noticed a single bright red balloon floating in the air. The red balloon looked like a gem against the cold dark concrete jungle dancing in the wind. Her mind flashed back to that time when she was a little girl.

She couldn’t have been older than nine. She had waited for weeks, excitement building up to a point that she could not sleep the night before and now the day was finally here. The fun fair was in town. As they arrived, she let go of her father’s hand and ran a few feet before him and stopped. The  colourful lights of the ferris wheel reflected off her beautiful big brown eyes. The smell of  popcorn and candy floss in the air. Laughter and hysterical screams coming from roller-coaster. ”Don’t go too far now princess,” lovingly warned her father walking towards his little girl. She skipped a few paces in front of him not sure what she wanted to do first. Maybe the merry-go-round ponies or maybe some candy floss, she was a bit scared of the high ferris wheel. At that moment the tallest clown with brightest face and the biggest red nose she had ever seen walked pass. She pointed and giggled without having to say a word and her dad knew exactly what she wanted. The clown had a huge bunch of brightly coloured balloons. “what colour then princess?”, inquired her father.  He tied the string of the bright red balloon to her finger. They had the best time, she remembered. Returning home exhausted with the red balloon still tied to sticky candy floss fingers. She kept the deflated red balloon for many years to come.

She stared at the red balloon dancing in the wind as it disappeared behind the adjacent building. She managed a smile. She walked over to the bathroom had a steaming shower and got ready. She stared at her reflection for a while in the cracked mirror as if  trying to understand how she had become this person. Walking over to the closet she put on a pair of blue denim jeans with a black shirt that she tied in front to expose most of her midriff and a pair of worn in brown leather cowboy boots. It did not succeed in making her feel beautiful. As she turned to shut the closet door something familiar caught her eye, it was the black leather jacket she’d been looking for. It was lying on the floor of the closet, she picked it up and shook off a bit of dust. The jacket would come handy against the cold night. She grabbed her bag and keys as she made for the door.

She put on the leather jacket and then locked the door to her apartment and walked down the dimly lit corridor. She pressed the button on the elevator. As she waited she slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket. She felt something strange, as she pulled out her hand, it was a brightly coloured red deflated balloon. She didn’t go out.

My mother used to say “Theres a reason God gave you two ears and one mouth”, it’s because you should listen twice as much as your should speak”.Its funny how she would ask the question and answer all in the same breath just to emphasis her point. I think that was a chinese proverb but my mother gets the credit.

I love to talk. Not the talk my head off kinda talk(I hope), the put me in a room with a bunch of strangers and I’ll be fine kind. The problem with this is that you have the tendency to go off talking and not listening. The greatest communication lesson I’ve learned is to sometimes, er, Shut up! Sometimes people just want someone to listen, not talk, just listen. Sometimes you don’t need to share your opinion even though you might have one.

“To Listen is as powerful a means of communication and influence as is to talk well” – John Marshall

You must have heard people say that the key to a strong relationship is communication, I am saying to you today that the key to communication is listening. Customers will be happier if  we listened to their needs and not try to sell them something just to make the sale. Only when you have listened and understood can you add value. Our relationships would be stronger if we listened to our partner about what they are feeling and not assumed what we think. Our country would be a better place if the powers that be would take some time to listen to what the people have to say.

So how do I become a better listener?  Well you can start by shutting up! Make a conscious decision to listen twice as much than you would speak. Here are three rules that are guaranteed to get you talking less and listening more. Do yourself a favour.

Think Tennis

Think of your conversation like a game of tennis, serve a statement, question etc and then wait for a reply. bear in mind that you can’t play tennis by yourself (well unless you have one of the tennis ball machines but you get my point)

Eye Contact

I find it amazing how many people look at everything and everyone else but the person who is talking to them. Besides the fact that it is down right rude, you will find it easier to follow what the person is saying if you look them in the face.

Change the “ME” mentality

We all have that one person in our circle who somehow always make the conversation about them. You can be chatting about the price of tomatoes and before you know the conversation is about them. Don’t be that person. Take the responsibility to make sure that the conversation doesn’t always revolve you. A great way to do this is to ask open-ended questions like,”What’s your opinion on…?” or “tell me about your day at the office?” It’s about placing the ball in their court and encouraging the person to open up.

“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf” – Indian proverb

What sets creative people apart from the rest of us that go about our mundane, mediocre mlife? (I couldn’t find another word for life that began with “m” to complete the alliteration). Creativity to life is what colors are to are to an artist. It won’t kill you if you don’t have it but it’s instantly recognizable if you do.

The key question isn’t “What fosters creativity?” But it is why in God’s name isn’t everyone creative? Where was the human potential lost? How was it crippled? I think therefore a good question might be not why do people create? But why do people not create or innovate? We have got to abandon that sense of amazement in the face of creativity, as if it were a miracle if anybody created anything –  Abraham Maslow

If anything, I hope that the following will kindle a spark in you that will fan the flames of creativity. I’m tired that creativity has been pushed outside the reach of most of us on the premise that it is for an elite few hippie bohemian types. I don’t care if you’re a bean counter or a cardio thoracic surgeon, creativity is within your reach. Here are three keys that will help you on your way to unlocking your creative potential.

Redefine Your Picture Of Creativity

I’m not sure how this came about but for some reason we have this preconceived  idea that to be a creative person you need to work at an advertising agency with a chill room and white furniture and wear really trendy clothes. That could not be further from the truth. Breaking that misconception in your mind is the first step to unlocking your creative potential. I once heard someone say “We are all born originals but most of us die carbon copies”, stop trying to be like the picture of a creative person you have in your head. That in its self is limiting your creative juices. You can be exactly who you are still be a cutting edge creative. Who say’s that creativity should be confined to media and arts oriented industries? I want to see Doctors with a passion for creativity in how they relate to their patients, Moms with creativity in how they take care of theirs families, Sales people getting creative in how they sell to the consumer. Redefine how you see creativity packaged.

Push Your Boundaries

You will never realize your true creative potential if you are not aware our your boundaries.Push yourself. If you haven’t written before, start writing(I did, with this blog). If you haven’t painted before start painting. Think about something that you enjoy doing but don’t think you’re good enough and just do it. The idea is not to come up with a master piece, rather to explore and express yourself. It will be more rewarding than you could imagine. Be intentional about your creativity. I can assure you it will not be easy , you will feel like giving up. It will demand discipline and sometimes you will suck at it but push through. The biggest regret that you will have is when you look down the line of time and say to yourself “I wish I tried that”.

Don’t Be Afraid Of Failure

The biggest obstacle to creativity is the fear of failure. We are afraid about what people will think of our creativity. We are afraid that our vision of creativity will not meet the grade of what people define as creative. the problem with these thoughts are that they are based on other peoples idea of what is creative or not. That goes against the very nature of creativity. The core pillar of creativity is that it is an expression of ones self. Take a minute to think of a few “creatives thinkers” most of them portray an uncanny ability to not care what people think. They will throw out thoughts and ideas that comes to mind. If the idea is shot down, they move on. They understand the process of creative thinking is about putting yourself out there. Yes that makes you vulnerable but it’s the key to growth and creative freedom. Fear is often what separates leaders from followers.

Do yourself a favour and live your life filled with creativity. Who knows, you might get the opportunity to work at an office with a chill room and white furniture.

Note: I am just being cheeky regarding the Advertising industry. To all my friends in the Advertising industry please don’t strike me off your Christmas card list.

I love words. I love reading them, I love speaking them and I love writing them. Most importantly I recognise the power that words have. I love words so much that I’m dedicating an entire series to words. The plan is to take a word and expound, explore and express what that word means and how we can apply that word to our lives. Its will not be an academic exegesis for two reasons. I’m not an academic and you have a dictionary for that sorter thing. Rather it will more playful, sometimes metaphorical,often poetic and certainly motivational. It might be a word that has been on my mind for a while or a word that I’ve just learned. A word that rolls of the tongue is always a great idea.

To kick things off, I decided on the word INTENTIONAL.

A bombastic word, coming from the word INTENTION meaning to act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result. It means to be deliberate in your decision.Thats a powerful thought, lets walk through this.

The bible says in James 1:8  A double minded man is unstable in all his ways

We live in an age when it is absolutely acceptable to have no intentions what so ever. The view that “we’ll see how thing pan out” is wholly embraced because it abdicates any responsibility. Intention means that you have to commit and commitment means you have to be responsible. The thought that we are accountable for our decisions is the deal breaker.

I’m not saying that we cannot change our minds, don’t get me wrong.We all change our minds, from whether we should go with the olive oil or balsamic glaze to whether in my wife’s case what to wear( but thats another rant all together) What I am saying though is there needs to be a certain degree of intentionality in our lives. Ask yourself the following questions, answer honestly. Do yourself a favour.

Am I intentional with my relationships – do you know what you have to offer, do you know what you from your relationships? Spouse, friends, family

Am I intentional when it comes to my health and my body – are you making decision regarding your health?

Am I intentional regarding my work, career, business – are you clear about where you would like to be and how you will get there?

Am I intentional with my relationship with God?

Live intentionally, make some decisions and follow through. You will find a tremendous amount of satisfaction in the focus and in a bit of structure. If you’re not feeling stretched, it means you’re not growing.

“Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

I’d like to credit my good friend Marc for a great conversation regarding the word Intentional that he’s probably forgotten that we had. Thanks Marc.

Main Entry: 1change
Pronunciation: \ˈchānj\
Function: verb
Date: 13th century
transitive verb
1 a : to make different in some particular : alter b : to make radically different c : to give a different position, course, or direction to

I love the word change, it’s such a strong word.It’s radical. It conjures up visions of movement, revolutions, transformations, paradigm shifts and stretching ones self.
People that perpetuate and pioneer change exude two distinct characteristics, the first one being self-sacrifice and the second being vision; an ability to see the bigger picture or end result. Take a moment to ponder over radical agents of change. Nelson Mandela, Dr Martin Luther King, Mahatma Gandhi. Do you see the character traits shining through?

So why is it so difficult to change? Well maybe because change brings about the unknown, the unchartered, the uncomfortable. Change forces us to ask introspective questions that we’d rather sweep under the carpet.
Have you ever wondered why it’s so easy to complain about change not happening.The reason for this is because we shift the responsibility to bring change to other people. It’s much easier that way, it’s costs us nothing.
We all know that person who loves to complain, they will complain about absolutely everything.The government, taxes, the weather, their spouses, everything. No one likes that “guy”. As a matter of fact, I personally exclude these people from my life.

So I guess what I’m to say is that change starts with you. Do yourself a favour…be the change you want to see. Stop complaining about the problems and make a conscious decision to be part of the solution. If nothing else, I promise you will get a few more dinner party invites.Right around now I can quote a song from a guy that wore a single glove and shiny pants but I won’t.
The latin adage puts in more eloquently.
“ Vincit qui se vincit” – He conquers who conquers himself.

It’s not often that I get really excited about a book. So excited that I’m reviewing a book that I haven’t finished as yet. I just started – Made To Stick – by Chip and Dan Heath. And after reading the introduction I thought I’d share a bit about the book. Below you will find a concise summary of the six principles of a sticky idea that Dan and Chip talk about.

If you are a public speaker of any kind then this book should sit permanently  on your night stand. Have you ever wondered why some ideas stick and some just don’t? And as we all know the holy grail of public speaking is having your idea stick with your audience. If you’re a sales person, pitching your product, you want your ideas to stick. If you’re a teacher,teaching kids you want your ideas to stick. If you’re a clergyman,preaching to your congregation  you want your ideas to stick. So what makes an idea sticky?

The brothers reference and credit Malcolm Gladwell – the author of Blink, The Tipping Point and Outliers with the term “sticky” I would like to take this opportunity to encourage you to read The tipping point which is certainly complementary at the very least to this book.

Six Principles Of Sticky Ideas

Principle 1: Simplicity

Keep the idea simple and profound, strip the idea to its core. The golden rule is the ultimate model of simplicity: a one-sentence statement so profound that an individual could spend a lifetime learning to follow it.

Principle 2: Unexpectedness

How do you get your audience to pay attentions to your ideas and how do you maintain their interest? We can use surprise – an emotion whose function is to increase alertness and cause focus. An imperative is generating interest and curiosity in order to engage people over a long period.

Principle 3: Concreteness

How do we make our ideas clear? The key is to explain our ideas in terms of human actions and sensory information. Our brains are wired to remember concrete data. Why are proverbs sticky? – because they are often encoded in concrete language.” A bird in hand is worth two in the bush.”

Principle 4: Credibility

How do we make people believe our ideas? We need ways to help people test our ideas for themselves – a ” try before you buy” philosophy” for the world of ideas. Sticky ideas need to carry their own credentials.

Principle 5: Emotions

How do we get people to care about our ideas? We make them feel something. We are wired to feel something for people and not abstractions. The hard part is finding which the right emotion to harness.

Principle 6: Stories

How do we get people to act on our ideas? We tell stories. Hearing stories acts as a kind of mental flight simulator preparing us to respond for quickly and effectively.

No doubt, this is one book that I will be referring to often.If theres only one book you buy this year  Made To Stick should be it. If you’re serious about getting your ideas to stick and becoming a better communicator… do yourself a favour, get this book.

Notes: The following is laced with cultural nuances that would be hard for you to understand if you were not; Indian or poor. None the less, I believe the triumph of the human spirit goes beyond borders of race and socioeconomic backgrounds. I believe that every one of us have a story to tell. Do yourself a favour… never forget your story.

I remember rising early on a Saturday morning, a steaming mug of sweet black tea with a slice of not so fresh white bread with thickly spread margarine waiting for me. Blowing hard to cool the scalding tea as I sipped and gobbled the bread in tandem. “eat slowly or you’ll get choked my boy” scolded my mother with a half-smile on her face. All I had on my mind was the day ahead. It was Saturday and it was summer which meant that if we got to the public pool before nine o’ clock we could enter free and not have to pay the cover charge.

Dressed in brown shorts and a tatty once white T-shirt, barefoot I was all set. “I don’t want to see you with that boy from the down the road, you know Aunty Meera caught him with a cigarette in his hand” she warned with a look that matched her no-nonsense tone. My mother was a strict disciplinarian. With my ol’ man not being around, I never knew him. She felt that she needed to play both roles. Still recovering from the thrashing that I got a few days ago because of climbing the mango tree and getting my shorts ripped on a protruding branch. I knew not to cross her again anytime soon.

With a towel around my neck and her countless warnings in the background, I bolted from the house. I would meet a few of the other kids at a predetermined spot from the night before and we’d be off for a day in the sun.

It’s funny. Even though those days were tough.I didn’t care. I guess as a child I had more pressing issues to be concerned with. Like who stole my milky marble that I won from the boys.It’s not that I wasn’t fully aware of how poor we were. I was. You couldn’t help but be aware of the dire situation all around you. Somehow my mother always provided a meal for us. It was simple food. Some peas and potato curry. The peas that she got in return for her old skirt from the African vegetable Maama and the two potatoes Aunty Kanna gave us because her daughter came to visit and brought a Checkers packet laden with groceries the day before. Some dhall and rice. If we were lucky, after she had settled the bills and if it was the start of the month we would have some chicken curry. I loved chicken curry.